Directing isn’t a job for me. It’s my life’s work.
I haven’t made any money from directing, because I care too much about everything I put my name on.
I always end up putting my own money in, just to make it a tiny bit better. But yes, it’s a struggle. The last ten years were all investment. Most of my income comes from editing, TV shows, trailers, documentaries. It’s anonymous, not my own and it’s a great exercise too.
But…sometimes I wish that I wasn’t to stubborn and that I could direct anything.
Unfortunately, the truth is, if I don’t feel the message, the story, the execution, deep in my bones, then I feel nothing for it at all.
I’ve lost many pitches because of that. And that’s okay. I’m patient. I’ll keep working until my dream becomes real.
Film, to me, is the most beautiful and pure form of expression out there. It’s tough as nails, and there’s a strange beauty in how all these different skillsets, all these departments, come together to build something bigger than you. I love researching things I know nothing about.
Finding myself in places I’d never imagined entering in my everyday life. It changed how I see the fabric on the walls in my own house, the details and color of clothes that people wear, the way someone argues over a bill or the sound of a screeching metro at night.
It made me aware of the world, and how I want to capture it in a crafted, controlled way, the same way some of my favorite directors do.
Film, quite literally, saved my life. It helped me escape.
So don’t expect to find work as a director anytime soon.
And enjoy every moment of the suffering along the way.
